The Animated Woman: Stealth LumberJACK.

PEOPLE!
It nearly killed me but I did it. I animated a 74 second film in two days. Complete with soundtrack an' everything.

There were 27 entries on the LumberJACK contest but one was late, so we can't count that. Sorry! So 26 entries, all great and the number drawn by my ten year old boy was number 20, Angela! A.K.A. @ang__c on Twitter! In case you don't already know, she wants the LumberJACK to make WhyIsDaddyCrying cry.

A small but IMPORTANT note of thanks goes out to @gabehabe for the poetic bit of code in the first scene.

JC: Congratulations Angela! You won the LumberJACK contest, so you get to be in the cartoon. Let's start with a a skill-testing question: How are you?

Angela: im groovy

JC: All lower case answers, huh? I like your style! Next question: Who are you and what the heck are you doing on the internet?

Angela: my name is angela and im online because it give me a break from real life sometimes and i .love reading the blogs

JC: Do you think the LumberJACK is going to be awesome?

Angela: i truly do

JC: Great. I feel no pressure whatsoever. Heheh.....*scratches nervously*. Tell me, why do you want him to make WhyIsDaddyCrying cry?

Angela: because i am truly trying to find out why he is cring there has to be more and its fun i love seeing your animations

JC: I wanna hug you! Have you ever chopped down a tree?

Angela: when i was little i helped chop down a christmas tree

JC: Christmas trees are trees so they do count! Next up on the sofa is popular daddy blogger WhyIsDaddyCrying A.K.A. @WhyIsDaddyCryin on Twitter. First, a skill-testing question: How much did you weigh when you were born?

WhyIsDaddyCrying: This is a “skill-testing question?” Seriously JC? At least make me jump on one foot while doing the wave and regurgitating chewed-up birdseed into a baby bird’s mouth while I give you my answer. Unless…unless I’m missing something? Is this a trick question?

JC: IT'S MY BLOG SO I GET TO HAVE SKILL-TESTING QUESTIONS OKAY?

WhyIsDaddyCrying: 6.8 pounds…I think. My mom didn’t answer her phone so I’m guessing.

JC: WIDC ...or should I call you ....EUSTACE!!!! SEriously dude, why did @EarlJW really stop following you?

WhyIsDaddyCrying: I was minding my own business, taking a peek at the lovely Friend or Follow website when I saw that @EarlJW stopped following me on Twitter....(JC here, folks. this part is kinda complicated so I'm interjecting. The follow / unfollow subject is a sensitive one. Lemmeeno how you feel about that, k?)…the man has a name-fetish. Beware!!

JC: You done? Good. How does it feel to be in yet another one of my little films?

WhyIsDaddyCrying: I’m absolutely shocked, giddy, nervous, elated and just a tad bit aroused. Although I should hold judgment until I see it! The last time you animated me you put a nice light-brown poop stain on the back of my jammies… So…I think out of all the adjectives, “nervous” would be at the top.

JC: Dude, that wasn't brown poop. It was yellow pee. BIG difference. You realize that the LumberJACK is gonna make you cry. Do you need another box of tissues or are you good?

WhyIsDaddyCrying: I think I can handle anything @EarlJW has to throw at me…whether he’s donning a lumberjack look or not! Bring it!!! But ummm…keep some tissues on the side if you don’t mind.

JC: Have you ever chopped down a tree?

WhyIsDaddyCrying: is this another trick question? Are you asking me if I’m a virgin? When I lived in Virginia a Category 1 hurricane came through and broke a tree in my backyard in half. So I ripped the sleeves of my best shirt, threw a bandana on my head, flipped some country music on, cracked a Budweiser and climbed up a ladder to start cutting it down. Long story short, it took me three days to finish. Not because it was a huge tree but because I only worked when the wife was watching in the hopes she’d finally agree that I’m manly.

On the third day it fell down by itself. And I cried.

JC: He lives up to his name yet again! And now it's time to meet the star of our show...Eeeeaaaarrrrlllll Woodman! A.K.A. @earljw on Twitter! Here's your skill-testing question: Take the average age of your followers and divide that by 3.3 Add 68, 428. Then subtract 1 and multiply the whole thing by the year your favourite cousin was born.

Earl: 42.

JC: Wow, I can't believe you got that right. Gee. Second question: Is your last name REALLY Woodman...? I mean, wood as in lumber?

Earl: Yes.

JC: OK. A man of few words, eh? You may not realize this but many other onliners want what you now have: an animated alter-ego of their own. How does that make you feel?

Earl: Special.

JC: Good. I'm glad you appreciate this. And I in return, appreciate the fact that you're actually letting me animate you. Do you think the LumberJACK looks like you?

Earl: Yes.

JC: Right answer again! Finally: Have you EVER chopped down a tree? Or are your lumberings restricted to "logging on" and "logging off"?

Earl: If Christmas trees count then yes.

JC: Hmmmmm....folks, I want you all to notice that Earl didn't answer the second part of that question. Nevermind! Onward!